Urinal Etiquette: The Dos and Don'ts

There are places where men gather to socialize. Bars. Golf courses. Barbershops.

The urinal is not one of them.

And yet, despite the absence of posted instructions or a governing international body, men around the world seem to understand a surprisingly detailed set of urinal etiquette rules.

Good news. The instruction manual is short, and it comes down to one word: respect. Respect for your own privacy, for the guy two urinals down, and for the people cleaning up after you. Below are the Dos and Don'ts every man should follow in a public restroom. And the biggest rule of all? Science has your back on that one.

The 8 Unspoken Rules of Public Restroom Etiquette

Rule #1: Always leave a buffer urinal

Five urinals, one guy at the end? You take the other end. Third guy takes the middle. That's guy math. 

This isn't antisocial behavior. Humans naturally maintain personal space around strangers, and using the bathroom happens to be a particularly vulnerable moment.

The only acceptable exception is a packed bathroom with no other option. At that point, the buffer rule has been temporarily suspended due to market conditions.

Rule #2: Eyes forward

There aren't many situations in life where staring directly at a blank wall is considered excellent manners. The men's bathroom is one.

Look forward. Look at the fine grout work. Contemplate your career. Anything. Looking sideways is how you end up in a story someone tells at a bar. 

Rule #3: Put The Phone Away

No speakerphone. No FaceTime. No scrolling with one hand while conducting other business with the other.

And if you're in a stall, everyone else in the bathroom does not need to hear both sides of your conference call bouncing off porcelain and tile.

Public bathrooms are already overstimulating enough. Let's not add a podcast. If it can't wait, the sink is the designated talking zone. Urinal chat is a no-fly zone.

Rule #4: Respect the stall

Sometimes you don't want the urinal. That's completely fine.

The stall is the first-class cabin of the public men's room: walls, a door, and considerably fewer opportunities for unwanted interaction. But luxury comes with responsibility.

If you use it, leave it ready for the next person. Aim accordingly. Flush. If you miss, own it. Nobody wants to deal with another man's bad aim. Teach the kids in your life this one early. Someone else has to use this place after you.

Rule #5: Wash your hands. With soap. For real.

This should not need to be said, and yet here we are. Twenty seconds, soap, rinse, dry, which brings us to the real villain of every public bathroom: the hand dryer. Wipe on your jeans if you must. Just wash.

Rule #6: What happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom

There is an unspoken social contract governing public bathrooms.

We enter. We briefly coexist. We pretend very little is happening. We leave.

No commentary is required. No postgame analysis. No need to tell your friends about the noises coming from stall three. Someone was having a difficult afternoon. Grant him anonymity.

Yes, Scientists Actually Studied Urinal Etiquette

In 1976, researchers decided to investigate what happens when you invade a man’s personal space while he’s trying to pee.

48 unsuspecting men entered a public restroom and chose a urinal while researchers observed their behavior. Not one voluntarily chose a urinal directly beside another person when more distant options were available.

Then they got sneaky. They planted a "confederate" at different distances from unsuspecting guys and timed everything. The result: when a stranger stood right next to you, it took noticeably longer to get things started. Your body reads a stranger 18 inches away as a low-grade threat, tenses up, and the whole operation stalls.

In other words: the buffer urinal matters.

The Golden Rule of Bathroom Etiquette

Whether you're standing at a urinal in an airport or stepping out of your shower at home, bathroom etiquette ultimately comes down to one thing:

Give people a little space.

Sometimes that's one empty urinal. Sometimes it's a closed door. And sometimes it's knowing when not to start a conversation.

Civilization has accomplished remarkable things. We built cities. We went to the moon. We put the entire internet inside our pockets.

Surely we can leave one urinal between us.

The Better Bathroom Is at Home

Of course, the best public bathroom experience is still worse than a good bathroom at home. At home, there are no strangers. No questionable puddles. No aggressive hand dryers.

Just a hot shower, a proper exfoliating shower scrubber, a soft bath towel waiting when you step out, and a lightweight bathrobe you can throw on without immediately overheating.

Public bathrooms are about getting in and getting out. Your bathroom should be the opposite.

Take the long shower. Use the good towel. Put on the robe. Stand around doing absolutely nothing for ten minutes.

You've earned it.